Happy New Jeer

2011 was not a year of cheer

With inflation life was austere,

Prices continue to be high,

And consumers do cry, 

Nothing's changed; Happy New Year.

Wine, Tweet and Song

I'm in a melancholic funk, 

Sip wine, they'll call me drunk,

If I sing a song, 

They'll say I'm wrong

I think I'll become a monk. 

FDI: Frantic Didi Intervenes

FDI's been put on hold 

Indefinitely, so we're told, 

So Mamata said,

Ministers ran and fled, 

And the PM's out in the cold.

Free for All

Mamata set the rioters free

Who were on a destructive spree

"Don't you dare dictate

How I run my state

So please stop harassing me."

Beauty and the Botox

You love their pouts and their smiles,

Their looks defy age all the while, 

That actor's face, 

Of wrinkles not a trace, 

It's the Botox and the surgeon's guile.

BPL: Babus' Pathetic Lies

You can live on 32 rupees,

With Planning Commission's expertise,

When mandarins croak,

Such pathetic jokes,

They suffer from deficiency disease.

Behenji's Sandal Park

The UP memorials are eyesores, 

Designer sandals Behenji adores, 

In a private jet a pair

Arrived for her to wear

Expect statues of sandals galore. 

His Master's Voice

Anna's corrupt from head to toe,

Said Tiwari, his face all aglow,

His facile regret

Maybe a veiled threat

To abuse on nightly news shows. 

Sheila's CAGmire

Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit

Is mired in a scammer's pit

"It's Kalmadi's fault 

That the scams did vault 

And causing my hysterical fits."

Dementia Redefined

Is dementia growing by degrees
Spread by CWG expertise?
Now Kalmadi the astute
Says his memory's kaput,
His next ailment is surely heart disease.

The Sleepwalk Shuffle

The PM shuffled the ministerial dudes, 

And inducted a few, all dull-hued, 

Critics gave a thumbs down, 

To the new set of clowns, 

Proclaiming "What a vacuous brood!" 

Rich Tea and Sympathy

Kalmadi, the Tihar detainee,
Drank tea and purred with glee:
"Tihar Jail's the new Ritz,
For snacks and biscuits,"
While he sunbathed for Vitamin D.

Bubblegumgate

It was Bubblegumgate last week, 

Pranab's office was bugged so he shrieked, 

Why is he surprised, 

When he should surmise 

Like a sieve all ministries leak.

The Wizard of Zero

According to Sibal's zero theories,

At Ramlila there were no injuries, 

"We're a corruption free nation, 

With no inflation, 

And my diet too has zero calories" 

The PM's in the Dark

The PM stands and pensively stares, 

He's powerless, but he's unaware, 

He hasn't a clue 

Why he's in such a stew,

"I'm a world statesman," he declares. 

Clueless in Blunderland

India's youth icon cannot differentiate, 

Cow dung, bones or ash phosphate,

Telecom losses are zero,

The Home minister's a hero, 

When he cannot terror suspects locate. 

Utterly Butterly Amul Babies

State poll results gave Jaya cheers,

But Amul Babies were in tears,

Most lost elections,

"There'll be a resurrection,"

Said Mani Shankar Aiyer, "in twenty years."

The Statues' Handbags

When farmer's protests began to drag 

Mayawati snarled angrily and bragged:

"Police with firearms 

Nab leaders in farms,

And ignore my statues with handbags."

In ISI's Bed

Osama evoked fear and dread, 

The ISI said he was lost or dead, 

In the mountains they proclaimed, 

He lived with wives and dames,

Till the US found him in ISI's bed. 

Rent-a-chappal

Suresh Kalmadi was not dismayed, 

When a chappal* was lobbed his way, 

He demanded a pair,

Of the thrower's footwear,

To rent at three thousand a day.
Chappal=slipper

CD Baat or "Seedhi Baat"

Amar Singh missed the media limelight, 

Flashing a CD, he began a fight,

Did he doctor conversations,

Or concoct allegations,

Have his mental faculties taken flight?

Cash Cows

Amma promised her farmers free cows,

To yield returns better than the Dow,

Sixty thousand bovine

Are hard to assign;

O Jayalalitha, the question is how. 

Ambulance Income Delivery System

You're moaning with pain in your bed,

The hospital you await with dread,

Sirens screech and crash,

An ambulance with cash 

Ferries you to an election booth instead.

Marxist Theory of "Relativity"

Indian politics, it's said, is a cesspool, 

Communists say they're honest as a rule,

Will Marxist dialectic 

Turn voters apoplectic 

Will the polls' Red dynasties make us drool? 

After deriding dynastic rule for years, 

Have Communists decided to change gears,
Relatives of comrades,
Into elections now wade,
Will West Bengal polls end in tears?

Cheers

I'd like to thank you all, 

To your health I'll drink on my wall, 

Here's a glass of wine

Vegetarian, so it's fine, 

Because of you, I've had such a ball.

Killer Veggies

With rat poison your vegetables are tainted, 
With DDT fruits are painted,  
Ingest a toxic cocktail   
That will make you wail, 
If you haven't read this,  you've probably fainted.

Maomata Goes Hi-tech

Mamata hired a Hot Male tech head, 

With smses the electorate will be fed, 

Will voters be confused 

By messages diffuse

And vote for the communists instead.

A Helicopter's Wedding

The 250 crore wedding of the political elite* 

Invited fat cats to a sumptuous retreat, 

Thirty thousand guests

Attended and blessed,

A helicopter for shopping down the street.

*Congress leader Kanwar Singh Tanwar's son married the daughter of another Congressman Sukhbir Singh Jaunapuria.

Budget Blues

On Budget Day the status quo prevailed, 

Abject media applauded and hailed,

FM tossed a few crumbs, 

To the meek and the numb, 

While the looters rejoiced and drank ale. 

A Money Laundering Primer

You've illegally stashed billions offshore, 

Morph black into white: that's the score,

Via the FII route

Round trip the loot

To Dalal Street, funds multiply galore.
FII= Foreign Institutional Investors

The Love Merchants

The lovesick season has begun,

Love merchants are enjoying the fun, 

Don't be swayed 

By their wooing B Grade

They'll fleece you honey, better run.

Amar Singh's Pants

Our leaders are mired in sleaze,

Looting taxpayers as they please, 

When asked to recant, 

Amar dropped his pants, 

Performing a political striptease. 

Swindlers List

Mubarak's embezzled 70 billion offshore, 

Massive corruption, the protesters roared, 

Without absolute power,

Our netas' wealth flowers,

Because our PM's an "honest senor."

'Neta' means leader

Davos Drivel

The Davos speakers are suave and civil, 

But rant mind numbing drivel,  

Their opinions hurled,

Haven't changed the world, 

As our brains begin to wither and shrivel.

Loot and Scoot

 

Has Pranab granted a license to loot? 

In Swiss banks, embezzled funds take root,

For double taxation reasons, 

It's grand larceny season, 

So politicos can now plunder and scoot.

Deck Chairs Rearranged

The Cabinet was finally reshuffled, 
Did the PM really want a kerfuffle, 
Some deck chairs rearranged,
The public's been shortchanged,
Were sulking ministers the only ones ruffled?

Happy Birthday Queen Mahamaya

Mayawati is now Mahamaya,
On her birthday she does aspire,
Present garlands of cash
And an ATM for the stash,
Disobey, the consequences will be dire.

2G Maths

Kapil Sibal may be a lawyer who's bright, 

Auditing 2G spectrum overnight, 

Now we all have skills,

To display at will, 

Becoming brain surgeons at the speed of light.

The Bofors Ghost Returns

The Congress party began to relax, 

No threat from the supine media hacks, 

Then rose Bofors' ghost,  

And the Taxman's boast,  

"Take 'commissions', but pay your tax."